It’s been a while, I haven’t posted, I have struggled in silence, battling my inner thoughts and wondering HOW ON EARTH DO I POST?
So I thought I’d start by reintroducing myself….
My name is Kirsty, I run this space here at Gutsy Mums. I was born and raised in England and came from a very rocky and unstable childhood. My mother left when I was 6 and I was raised by my father along with my 3 older brothers.
I struggled with my health throughout my early years, predominantly caused by a crappy diet, bad lifestyle choices (I was a party girl), heavy dependence on pharmaceuticals and lack of self-care.
The patient “whispers” turned to screams when I hit the age of 32. I was fairly new to motherhood and my daughter was only 18 months old. I suffered with debilitating symptoms and faced many challenges in the years that followed as I struggled in confusion, frustration and loss of hope wondering “what’s wrong with me?”.
My symptoms included:
• Severe digestion issues – pain, gas, bloating, constipation
• Rashes on my body and bad acne
• Extreme fatigue and exhaustion
• Anxiety and depression
• Chronic back muscle pains
• Chronic cold urticaria (allergy to cold where I break out in hives)
• Annoying Tinnitus in my left ear
• Chronic painful breast lumps
• Fertility issues and 2 miscarriages
I searched high and low for answers only to be left mostly disappointed or with little direction. But as I learnt how to take the journey into my own hands, I began to slowly improve.
In my life I’ve had many labels; here’s just a few that come to mind:
You have “Chronic asthma” (from the age of 7 till late twenties)
You have “mysterious infertility”
You have “IBS and leaky gut”
You have “MTHFR gene mutation”
You have “multiple food intolerances and chemical sensitivities”
You have “bad genes”
You are a “perfectionist”
You are a “control freak”
It’s amazing how it’s really taken me this long to realise that my “labels” aren’t me, they’re just labels, they’re not real, it’s not WHO I AM! You don’t have to own your labels either. These are just labels, they’re NOT YOU!
Yet I struggled for so many years consumed by those labels and missed out on so much; like how on earth did my daughter get to the age of nearly 7 so quickly? What did I miss?
But it’s hard to live when there’s days you’re in pain, when you’re so exhausted you can barely get off the couch let alone think about what to cook for dinner, when your brain is so foggy and clouded you can’t communicate clearly what you need or what you want, when you’re angry for no apparent reason yet the anger eats away at you because you feel so guilty for not living up to the standard you’d set yourself and for not “being a good enough mumma”. It’s hard to live when day in day out your heart cries out for another child and the ache of your current daughter constantly questioning “mummy, when will I get a brother or a sister?” cannot be answered. It’s hard to live when there are still so many unanswered questions. It’s hard at times to live when, despite all your efforts, clean eating and low tox living, you’re still “not quite right” and your dream of having a bigger family hasn’t yet come to fruition.
BUT I HAVE TO LIVE….I can’t live like this anymore consumed by the labels. I can’t live pretending that everything is always so “perfect” and that just because I’ve become a “certified health coach” means I have all my shit together. . .Yes of course, I’ve made HUGE progress, I’ve come so far, my good days outweigh my bad by far and I’m so grateful for the journey and what it’s taught me….but…
…..I’ve been so held back because I’ve never wanted to be someone who came across negative. I mean who needs other people’s burdens thrown on them too; they have enough of their own. But I’ve come to realise that it’s so much harder trying to keep that “I’ve got it altogether” face and that people need to see there is hope.
So just because I struggle from time to time, doesn’t mean I can‘t help people. It doesn’t have to disqualify me from getting out of my comfort zone and sharing my knowledge and experiences with others, it doesn’t have to stop me from coaching other’s with their health, it doesn’t have to stop me from running workshops and classes empowering people to change and get healthier. I’ll NEVER be perfect, I’ll never have it all together, but I’m a work in progress.
WOW….it feels so good to say that!
My fears are disappearing, my authentic self is growing, I’m learning to stand more in my truth. At times it may offend you and that’s ok. It just means that my truth doesn’t currently align with your truth and we all have our own journey to take.
So….here I am, standing in my truth, telling you that I’m going to keep going, keep getting up , keep searching for answers, keep making changes, keep challenging the status quo and keep sharing because I know I can heal and get better and be better and live the life I deserve.
And I know that deep down inside of you, you want to heal too, you want to get better, you want to live a life that is symptom free, you want to live without fear.
So I’m here to say, let’s do this together, let’s keep getting back up and be the truth seekers, let’s shine and hope and want and wait!
With love x